Five Things

One thing I’m kinda bad at when it comes to blogging, social media, and self-promotion is the whole “trending” thing. And while I typically don’t like to do these kinds of posts, I’ve been off my blogging game a bit with the whole stupid virus going on and the death of my fur baby Comet.

But I saw a post by Millennial Life Crisis that apparently “FIVE THINGS” is trending in all the important places right now so I figured it’d be cool to play along. And maybe it would get me back in the groove of writing regular posts.

So without further ado ….

FIVE THINGS THAT HAVE BEEN GETTING ME THROUGH QUARANTINE:

  1. Reading – I’m a bibliophile even when I’m busy as all hell, and having these extra hours to curl up with a good book has been pretty nice.
  2. Taking walks — Even though I lost my walking buddy when Comet crossed the Rainbow Bridge, I’ve been getting out as much as I can when the weather cooperates. J and I even took his mom’s dog for a couple of laps at the local park a few times.
  3. Writing — Remember that manuscript I lost in January thanks to a USB crash? Well, I rewrote it in about 112 days. Working on the first round of edits as we speak.
  4. Family & friends — Obviously I haven’t seen them much, but we’ve been chatting frequently via phone and text, and plenty of people are checking in on me and supporting me while I experience the ups and downs of having anxiety and depressive episodes in the middle of a pandemic. J has also been super supportive, keeping me motivated and laughing and comforting me when I have a particularly rough day or end up bawling over Comet.
  5. Adult coloring books – I am basically the least artistic person on the planet, but I busted out some of the “stress relief” coloring books that were popular a few years ago and found it relaxing and refreshing to concentrate on creating a pretty picture.

FIVE BLOGS THAT ARE WORTH CHECKING OUT:

  1. Millennial Life Crisis  
  2. Love Travelling
  3. Our Crossings
  4. Rust Belt Girl
  5. Streaming Thru America

FIVE YOUTUBE CHANNELS THAT I ENJOY WATCHING (I don’t watch much TV or YouTube so I only have two of these):

  1. Good Mythical Morning
    Rhett and Link are absolutely hilarious. Just two real-life best friends talking about everything and anything and making us laugh — usually by accident.
  2. The Dodo
    An uplifting channel dedicated to adorable, sweet, and inspirational animal stories.

FIVE FOODS THAT I LOVE:

  1. Pop-Tarts
  2. Cereal
  3. Chocolate
  4. Macaroni & Cheese
  5. Pasta

 

FIVE TV SHOWS THAT I WATCH (this is going to be tough too because I don’t really watch TV. Some stuff on this list I enjoyed before quarantine):

  1. Teen Mom
  2. Sex Education
  3. Glee
  4. Ink Master
  5. Friends

FIVE SONGS I COULD LISTEN TO ON REPEAT
FIVE PANDORA STATIONS I LOVE:

  1. Mozart
  2. Elton John
  3. Jason Mraz
  4. Alanis Morisette
  5. Happiest Tunes on Earth

headphones

FIVE PLACES I’M DREAMING OF GOING WHEN IT’S SAFE TO TRAVEL AGAIN:

  1. Holland
  2. The Outer Banks
  3. Ireland
  4. Maine
  5. Oregon

There are a couple of other “FIVE” lists you can do, like 5 people you’d love to meet, 5 things you struggle with, 5 things you wish for, etc, but I’m going to wrap up my list here.

Feel free to play if you have the time! (and who doesn’t right now???)

typing

post-quarantine list

waiting
I’ve been thinking a lot about all the things I want to do once the quarantine is lifted, and I’ve actually been keeping a list on my phone whenever something pops into my head. Figured I’d share it —
* Have a party/bonfire with lots of good food and good people and good beer
* Go out to dinner with my parents and sister
* Grab my two best friends and go on an eating/drinking binge that includes Mexican food, margaritas, ice cream, and overpriced coffee
* Donate the 3 garbage bags (and counting) of clothes, shoes, and purses I’ve cleaned out of my closet
* Go back to my local library & head into the city to take a tour of the main branch of the Carnegie library
* Go “cheap shopping” and see what I can find at TJ Maxx, Marshall’s, and the like
SUPPORT SOME SMALL BUSINESSES:
* Get a massage
* Get my eyebrows waxed
* Take my coat & sun dress to the local seamstress for some minor repairs
* Get a memorial tattoo for my 2 puppers (and get my Pittsburgh skyline tattoo fixed/covered up)
* Visit a local bookstore and cafe that I’ve always been “too busy” to investigate
* Go buy plants & succulents and spruce up my house & backyard
* Go to a local high-end shoe store and buy a good pair of walking shoes & sandals
What about you? What are you most looking forward to doing once the lock down is over?
free

Let’s Talk About “Negative” Emotions

negative

If you’ve read my last two blogs, you know that things have been rough on my side of town recently. Aside from the global pandemic that everyone else is struggling with, J & I lost our sweet fur baby Comet on April 10. Losing a dog or any member of the family is never easy, but doing so amid the chaos of a worldwide crisis makes it all the more heartbreaking.

We also still don’t know what’s going on with our vacation in May, and we’re having some struggles with other obnoxious crap, like horrible neighbors and job stress.

Going through all of this reminds me of other times in my life when literally everything seemed to be working against me, and I’ve had a lot of time to think about how I handled things then and how I’m doing so now.
I’m okay, as in I haven’t needed to increase my medication or the frequency of my therapist appointments, and I’ve really been making an effort to concentrate on small positives like springtime and funny YouTube videos. I’m trying to keep myself busy by reading, cleaning, and doing organizational tasks, but I’m not going to lie — I’ve definitely been on edge.
My fuse is incredibly short and I feel like there’s a mountain of things I want to fix or accomplish and the tasks seem insurmountable. There’s a lot of frustration and grief coursing through my body and my mind, and I’ve been crying a lot more often and spending more time on the couch than usual.

But the main difference about how I’m dealing with grief and other negative feelings this time around compared to several years ago is that I’m doing everything I can to not get stuck there.

stuck

So what does that mean? In the three years that I’ve been doing EMDR therapy,  one of the most important things I’ve learned is how to deal with negative emotions in a healthy way and to not let them take over your life.
When I say “negative emotions,” I’m talking about things like grief, sadness, anger, frustration, disappointment, or jealousy — those ugly feelings that literally everyone on the planet experiences at one time or another in varying degrees, but for some reason we frown upon people who express those feelings.

I wrote about Toxic Positivity a few months ago, and I truly believe that this bizarre phenomenon is one of the major contributors to people getting “stuck” in negative feelings. When it seems like the entire world is pushing you to be happy, grateful, bright, and “blessed” 24/7/365, we tend to forget how to properly handle ugly feelings when they inevitably pop up, and they end up getting buried and suppressed. Let me give you some examples —

In 2010, my mom was hospitalized for three months battling a life-threatening infection due to complications from kidney dialysis and an autoimmune disease. During this time I literally zombie-walked through life. I was barely eating, I couldn’t sleep or concentrate at work, and probably spent three quarters of every day crying. Everyone around me knew what was going on and acknowledged how terrible and frightening it was. Yet once I provided them with the latest round of bad news, they’d say things like “you gotta stay strong,” “you have to hold it together,” or my personal favorite, “you’re too young to be going through this.”

Why thank you person three decades older. This is ever so helpful advice.

Similar words and phrases were used in 2003 when my grandfather died only a few days after my graduation from high school. I was already struggling with leaving my friends and first love, and losing my Pap was one more devastating blow. I was also experiencing serious trepidation about starting my first job and was entering community college kicking and screaming. Add it all together and you have the perfect recipe for an almost total breakdown.

But yet again, everyone around me kept repeating senseless phrases — “Enjoy this time; you only graduate once,” “Pap wouldn’t want you to be sad,” and “this is supposed to be the best time of your life!”

Again, my sarcastic thanks. I didn’t realize it wasn’t normal to be hiding in the bathroom at a graduation party, dabbing uselessly at uncontrollable tears while my friends laugh and pose for pictures a mere 20 feet away. I didn’t realize it wasn’t healthy to clench my teeth so hard to stop those tears from flowing, even at the funeral, because everybody else is crying and someone has to be strong, right? And what kind of horrible person thinks longingly of their sorta boyfriend and the last summer with their classmates while her grandfather’s casket is being lowered into the ground?

doll

On both of these occasions, I spent so much time focusing on “being strong” and trying to “look for positives” that I literally ended up numbing myself just to get through the days. I didn’t know how to process my grief, so numbness became the default. I got so used to this that it became habit for me to not confront any negative emotions I experienced. Anything from traumatic losses to slight disappointments or annoyances became negative beliefs that stuck in my subconscious and eventually led to near-paralyzing anxiety and depression. Sure, I cried and raged and ranted and maybe even threw some things, but then I shoved it away.
It wasn’t until I confronted and processed these “negative” feelings in EMDR that I was able to free myself of those negative beliefs and move forward.

So what am I getting at?

My main point is to not let anyone tell you it isn’t normal or okay to experience negative emotions. When you suffer a loss or experience disappointment or trauma, of course you’re going to be sad, frustrated, or angry. It’s healthy for you to cry, scream, and even spend a day or two lying on the couch and eating your weight in Cherry Garcia. But please don’t stay there.

Coping with losing or Comet is a good example. I know it’s okay to cry and mourn, and it seems like first thing in the morning and right before bed are the most difficult times. I allow myself to kiss his picture, shed a few tears while fingering his collar or paw print impression, but then I have to force myself to turn my attention to something else. Sometimes that’s a TV show or a book, sometimes it’s writing or cleaning. Sometimes when I’m crying over his loss, I catch that pesky inner voice being hyper-critical. He was just a dog, the voice says. It’s been a few days, get over it. 
But he was my fur baby for 12 years. I’m allowing myself to mourn him and remember him in a healthy way.

Because despite what Facebook memes say, you cannot actually  drift through life in a constant state of happy positivity, whistling Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah out of your ass even when the world seems to be crashing down around you. In my opinion, a sense of fake happiness is even less healthy than negative emotions.

eggs

This is true for nearly every circumstance involving loss — in the times of COVID-19, so many people are hell bent on making others feel guilty for having cabin fever or being frustrated with disrupted plans. But this is normal!

Yes, we’re grateful that we’re safe and healthy. Yes, it’s nice to relax at home and not be running a million places all the time. And yes, we know we can still enjoy the sunshine and springtime from our front porches.

But it’s also okay to be bored out of your mind. It’s also okay to be pissed off and devastated that your graduation or wedding or vacation got cancelled or postponed. It’s okay to miss your friends and your Zumba class and reading group. The key to coping with all this is learning how to do it in a healthy way.

Now obviously I’m not a therapist or licensed professional of any kind, but I’m sure that anyone who has been through something difficult in life will tell you that the key to recovering or simply surviving is allowing yourself to feel everything — the good, bad, and ugly — and not getting stuck there.

If you need help doing this, and you’re having a hard time finding support through friends or family, please don’t take it personally if they don’t “get it.” I learned the hard way that a lot of times people tend to say nothing at all or accuse others of being dramatic or “too emotional” when they themselves don’t know how to handle certain situations. If someone has never lost a parent, of course they’re not going to know how to act towards their friend who has just buried their mom or dad. Try to keep in mind that their ignorance is not necessarily a marker of their loyalty and their lack of empathy doesn’t mean you don’t deserve comfort.

Remember, if the people around you aren’t giving you the support you need, seek out someone who’s been there. In person or online support groups can be really helpful, and if this isn’t an option, a professional therapist is never a bad idea.

Stay safe, blogger friends.

support

 

 

 

 

 

Comet

 

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” ~
A.A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh

comet beach 1

Even the brightest Comet 💫 eventually burns out, and on April 10th, we had to say goodbye to ours.
Every dog is special but Comet was that once in a lifetime pup that was absolutely perfect for us in every way.
He was one of the factors that brought J & I together and spent a good, long 13 and a half years making us laugh and feel so much love.
Rest easy, my fuzz bug. Run for miles. Eat all the chicken and marshmallows you want.
Love you forever and always.

This is the message that appeared on my Facebook page the night we had to make the most difficult decision of sending our sweet Comet to his forever sleep.

Commie blankets

As a writer and a dog mom, I could write an entire novel about just how special this pup was to us, but  I’ll try to stick to his “rescue story” and share some happy memories that I can dedicate to our little “fuzz bug.”

J rescued Comet from a shelter in December of 2007, when he was only about a year old. At the time, J was still living with his ex-girlfriend and trying to salvage a relationship that had been going south for years. Despite his adorable face and sweet nature, J’s ex was not Comet’s biggest fan. In fact, after only a few weeks, she gave J the ultimatum that changed the course of his and Comet’s life — “It’s me or the dog.”

J promptly chose the dog and moved back in with his parents. Three months later, J and I met on a blind date set up by mutual friends, and the rest is history.
I instantly fell in love with Comet, but he made me pass a few tests before he’d let me get close to his daddy. I distinctly remember him not-so-subtly leaning against me on the bed or the couch so I didn’t get to close to J. But after a few months, Comet seemed to sense that I qualified to be in his and J’s life, and he and I became fast friends.

Commie ID

Some of my favorite Comet memories . . . 

The first time he got groomed, the groomer went a little crazy and shaved him down as far as possible without making him completely bald. He looked so ridiculous we almost peed ourselves laughing so hard. (after that, we found a new groomer who did a much better job).
After J and I closed on our house, J brought Comet over to explore the new place and he was NOT impressed. Uncomfortable with any change, Commie hated the slippery hardwood floors and had to teach himself to walk on them, which was hilarious to watch. He also wouldn’t poop in his own yard for weeks for some strange reason.

Commie ID 2

There was also the day that he followed me up the steep attic stairs to explore this part of the house for the first time, and once he was up there he was too scared to come down. I had to scoop him up and carry him down, which he did NOT like, and right before I set him back on the floor, he promptly peed all over me.

J & I made several attempts to get Comet comfortable with water. We drove him an hour north to Lake Arthur and three hours north to Lake Erie, and while he loved the sandy beaches, he would not go anywhere near the water. He was hilariously wary of the waves in Erie.

Commie Erie beach

 

Comet did, however, love going on long walks on the many trails in several parks in Pittsburgh. Even as recently as last summer, his twelve-year-old arthritic body dragged us up and down hills, through wooded paths, and racing down gravel walkways. Comet loved sniffing every square inch of the woods he could get his nose on and every little creature he saw piqued his interest, especially the deer he spotted on an adventure through Panther Hollow.
He also made the long, 500 mile drive with us to the Outer Banks of North Carolina in 2017, and had an absolute blast. While he was not a fan of the ocean, he loved chasing sand pipers and seagulls and trotting along the sand and traveling with us from the Corolla Lighthouse to Ocracoke Island — even accompanying us on a ferry. He did manage to get surprised by a rogue wave in Hatteras, which drenched his recently-groomed fur with salt and sand, and solidified his decision to steer clear of any body of water for the rest of forever.

obx pup

On more than one occasion, strangers stopped their cars while Commie & I were walking just so they could compliment how handsome he was or ask what breeds gave him his debonair looks (spaniel & retriever).

We took Comet with us one year to cut down a Christmas tree, and a little girl there asked if she could pet him. As she approached, he started grumbling excitedly, at which point the girl’s eyes lit up and she smiled and said in total awe, “HE TALKS?!?!?!” I’m pretty sure I left part of my heart on that cold, muddy hillside.

snuggly

Commie had this weird ability to burp like a human — loudly and frequently. Neither J or I have ever met a dog that burped like this so often. It happened several times a week and usually at completely inappropriate moments.

His favorite people food included chicken, frozen broccoli, and marshmallows, and the mention of any of these would turn him into the giant great white shark from Jaws.

Just look at those viscous toofers —

toofers

Unlike most dogs, Comet had absolutely no fear when it came to fireworks or thunder. He was, however, extremely wary of empty cardboard boxes, rustling plastic bags, or the sound the toaster made when it “popped.”

He also had a habit of sometimes sleeping with his little puppy tongue sticking out —

tongue

As lovable as he was, Comet did not like it when he wasn’t the center of attention. If we tried to watch a movie or a hockey game, he’d rest his head on our laps or on the edge of the couch until we pulled our attention away from the screen, and also regularly ducked his head under my elbow while I was sitting at the laptop writing.

He was also quite vocal anytime J & I hugged, and occasionally nudged our fingers apart if we were holding hands.

so close

feets

Commie’s favorite toys included a couple of god-awful, completely destroyed stuffed animals — an unrecognizable tiger, an Oscar the Grouch, and Big Bird. He was also obsessed with his “bally,” a plain, yellow rubber ball with a squeaker in it that he took everywhere.

Over the last couple of months, J and I began to wonder if we could get Comet to howl like the wolf that we knew lived deep, deep, deep, deep, deep inside him — and after some coaxing and some specially selected YouTube videos, it worked! The very last video we caught on our phones of him letting out an “a-wooooooo” still makes us laugh.

fuzz & tongue

Though our hearts are broken and we already miss him so much, we are incredibly thankful for all the love and laughs over the years.

Commie’s passing happened at home, in his own bed, surrounded by his family. He went to sleep peacefully and quietly, and after all the sobbing was over, J & I shared a pizza and a couple of beers, complete with a toast to our little fuzz bug. It was odd to feel a sense of relief that the worst was over and to have full bellies after a week of barely eating out of worry and stress as we did our best to care for our sick pooch.

That night we watched a couple of funny episodes of our favorite YouTube channel, Good Mythical Morning  and promptly sent Rhett & Link a Tweet thanking them for making us laugh during such a hard time. They replied personally, and thousands of people responded to Comet’s photo, making us feel warm and fuzzy despite the circumstances.

While I never thought I’d ever thank the vet that had to put our sweet Comet to sleep, I absolutely must express my gratitude to Laps of Love,  the home veterinary service that helped Commie to cross the Rainbow Bridge. I believe they are a national company, and I highly, highly recommend their services to ease your pain if you find yourself having to let go of you own sweet fur baby. My review is below:

review

To help us heal, J & I are busy saving all of Commie’s pictures and videos to Google drive and planning an elaborate shadow box memorial. I’m going to get a paw print tattoo in his memory at some point, and we are eagerly awaiting the arrival of his urn & ashes. We plan on sprinkling some of his remains under his favorite tree in our backyard and taking some more of him to the Outer Banks whenever COVID-19 is over and we have the opportunity to go. The rest will stay with us forever.

commie & momso handsome 3love you dad

 

 

 

not so zen this time around

When I wrote my last blog, feeling all calm and productive and creative and cleansed, I knew in the back of my head that the ugly side would come out eventually.

And here it is.

rage

I find myself becoming increasingly irritated, frustrated, and angry as the days go on. I’m tired of seeing every person on social media judge every other person on social media for everything they’ve decided to do and not do. I’m tired of the news and the numbers, which are seemingly unavoidable no matter what. I’m tired of people rehashing horror stories. I’m tired of not being able to leave my house except to work and go to the grocery store.

I’m tired of the ugliness of dead plants and empty flower pots on my front porch. I’m mad that I can’t enjoy this rare, beautiful weather we’re having. I’m tired of cleaning and organizing.

I hate that my body hurts because I haven’t been to the pool in months. I hate that the little bit of progress I’d made physically is now null and void and I’m going to have to start over. I’m mad that I have to worry about getting even fatter. I’m irritated that plantar fasciitis has made it ridiculously painful for me to walk even short distances and even more irritated that I can’t shop for good shoes or insoles right now.

scream

At work, I’m tired of yelling at people to only enter the building one at a time and to stay six feet back from the counter. There are half a dozen signs saying as much all over the office and I swear people will look directly at the sign and remain completely oblivious. I’m tired of the scent of Lysol and bleach and rubbing alcohol triggering my allergies, which sends me into a coughing fit, which makes everyone think I have this fucking virus.

I’m tired of worrying if I have the virus every time I have a headache or feel a tickle in my throat.

I’m pissed off because we were supposed to go on vacation the second week of May. I emailed the rental company about cancelling or postponing our trip, and their response seems a bit uncooperative or inflexible if I’m reading the technical/legal jargon properly. Right now it sounds like I just lost $1500 and I kinda want to vomit.

I’m tired of hearing people say that as long as you’re not dying you should be happy and thankful. Eff that. I know people are dying. I know things could be worse. That doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to be mad and angry and frustrated and sad. Toxic positivity much?
This is effecting EVERYONE in a negative way. You’re allowed to have bad feelings even if death isn’t involved.

wire

I’m sad because our thirteen-year-old fur kid hasn’t been doing well these last few weeks. I understand that he’s at that age where health issues and a general slow down is normal, and I’ve been through this before, but damn it sucks. It rips my heart out to see that the spark has left his eyes and realize that he has very little pep left in his step. I hate worrying if he’s in constant pain, and I hate that I have to contemplate whether or not it’s entirely necessary for him to be seen by a vet.
I hate that we had to cancel his grooming appointment and now he looks like he’s neglected or homeless.
A few weeks ago he went to the vet for some shots and we also had them look at these weird balding spots on one of his paws. They gave us some antibiotics, hoping it was just an infection instead of the “C” word. My husband thinks the spots have cleared up. I do not.
About a year ago, a vet discovered that a rear molar was broken in Comet’s mouth. We had no idea, considering he never showed any signs of pain and it certainly never affected his eating habits. But now it seems to really be bothering him. He’s making weird movements with his mouth and will hardly eat anything, even his favorite snacks.
I don’t know what to do for him. Fifteen minute walks seem to be too much for his aging body. I hate this. I hate this.

I. HATE. THIS.

fence

you know what this is about

feather

It’s the thing that’s everywhere, the thing that no one can stop talking about or writing about or worrying about. It’s one of the only times in human history we are all experiencing the same thing.

It is and it isn’t.

For someone who has experienced a lifetime of panic attacks, I’ve felt oddly calm these last few weeks. In a life full of everyday anxiety over scenarios that no one else would ever worry about, my mind is mostly quiet.

When I wake up in the morning or go to sleep at night my brain is not going a million miles a minute. I’m enjoying the feeling of my cozy, warm bed, the smell of the comforter and the soft pillows. I’m smiling at my sleeping dog, whose paws are twitching in his sleep as he dreams about chasing birds or running free in the forest. I’m listening to the rain tap against the windows and the thunder rumbling in the distance. I’m thinking about my writing projects and what I want to accomplish with all this extra free time. I’m concentrating on the various songs being sung by the birds in the trees, telling us that spring and rebirth is still on its way.

tulips

 

I have my moments, of course. Wondering if and when I’m going to be able to get food or prescriptions. Having dreams about empty grocery store shelves. Crying over Facebook posts about a local florist delivering their leftover flowers to local cemeteries and memorial markers. Being angry at people for judging other people. Feeling guilty for going to the drug store for makeup. Worrying about my mom, a transplant patient with a compromised immune system, and my dad, a sixty-two year old still working two jobs.

But there’s still so much good.

I’m still working full time, as my job falls into the “transportation/wholesale” category deemed “essential” by Pennsylvania’s governor, and for this I am exceptionally grateful. I don’t want to deal with unemployment, and even though I wasn’t even sure I still wanted this job a few months ago, it’s good to feel useful and at least I’m getting out of the house everyday. My husband, who works on the receiving dock at a local hospital, is also still working full time, and I’m so thankful that neither one of us has to worry about lost wages.

In the last few weeks I’ve written 25,000 more words in my novel that I’m rebuilding since my USB crashed in January. This means that I’m 1/3 of the way through the manuscript, so I’m optimistic about finishing in the next month or so and looking forward to seeking beta readers and querying agents.

I’m not fretting over meal planning or rushing off in 100 different directions every day for errands, appointments, or social gatherings. I don’t have to hurry to fit household chores and fun into a limited amount of time during evenings and weekends.

My husband and I have been watching comedic movies, TV shows, and YouTube channels, and playing round after round of darts in our basement. I kicked his ass twice in a row this last time.

darts

But I miss swimming. I miss my aqua Zumba class. I had just started getting back into the routine of exercising regularly and now I’m waylaid again.

I miss visiting the library, with its hundred year old squeaking floors, beautiful architecture, and the scent of old papers. I miss the anticipation of opening a new book and the possibilities inside the pages.
Luckily I checked out four novels the week before our facilities closed, but I’m already halfway through the stack so it’s looking like I’m going to have to revisit some old stories that have been on my shelves for years. Maybe another round with Harry Potter or Gregory Maguire is in order.
I also recently won a Goodreads giveaway and was mailed a copy of Betty Smith’s (author of A Tree Grows In Brooklyn) Tomorrow Will Be Better. I loved all of Ms. Smith’s classic novels and can’t help but think that the title of this one is a sign of hope and some encouragement from the universe.

I’m only watching snippets of the news. I understand the importance of staying informed, but as soon as I start to get scared or overwhelmed, I shut it off and turn my attention to something positive or fun. Maintaining my mental health right now is a top priority.

Sometimes I think about our plans to visit the Outer Banks in early May, and I still don’t know how to feel about that yet. We don’t know if we’re going to get to go at all, and although I crave the stretch of pristine beaches every day of the year, I understand that we might just have to postpone things this time around. Hopefully when we do get to visit, the trip will be that much sweeter.

That’s all I have for now. I’m off to face the masses at the grocery store. My plans for this weekend include shopping online for underwear, vacuuming, and cleaning out my closet. Oh and doing lots of reading and writing.

Stay safe, my online friends.

“Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies.” The Shawshank Redemption

Wild flower growing out of concrete cracked.

 

 

 

What Becomes

Despite everything I’ve been feeling these last few weeks, I haven’t been able to write much for some reason.
One of my blogger friends posted this and I thought it expressed a lot of those feelings beautifully.
Check out her blog if you enjoy lyrical, accessible, literary musings. Stay safe & healthy everyone.

The Wild Heart of Life

“For a moment, I expected the impossible.
And then it happened.”

Where are you?

Wild winds whipping up against a desolate landscape. Cold skies and a raging heart. You have been uprooted. Torn from the comfort of the ordinary, you have been exposed.

But do not go blind, little dove. Look around you. The air is clearing. There are dolphins swimming through the rivers inside Venice. There are people who can suddenly see stars. You have never seen a magic quite like this inside the world. Did you know that it has been here all along?

You are laid bare, but be brave. Ships are always safest in a harbor, but that’s not what they’re meant for. Live boldly. Raise your words, and not your voice. Speak kindly and remember there is nourishment in stillness.

Look at our world, now the mother of exiles. How she harbors each of us—give…

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